What is ‘Hitman: Profession’?

Hitman: Absolution, screenshot from the FMV trailer
As opposed to what is ‘Hitman’s Profession’, which we’re entirely too clear on.
Continue reading “What is ‘Hitman: Profession’?”

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Best of 2007 – April

Best of 2007

In our Best of 2007 series, we’re now in April the month of my birthday!

Best of 2007:
JanuaryFebruaryMarch April May

April

NiGHTS Sequel Coming Soon
After years of speculation the Nights sequel is finally announced and the world cheers!

Justin Brogan Comes Back
The first podcast co-host Justin Brogan rejoins StuffWeLike as a blogge. One of the reasons why he left StuffWeLike was because his microphone broke. This was also a reason why the audio podcast ended. No, I’m not pointing the blame finger…

Shiwan Khan Comes Back
No this isn’t The Next-Generation of Heroes Season 3, but it’s just as good. Jon April who played Shiwan Khan in NGH comes back to the site that made him a star and this time he’s a blogger.

Hitman Movie In Production
If you ever thought Hitman was going to be a good movie, you’re just dumb. The movie was rushed in everyway! The movie was officially announced to be in production and then 6 months later it was released. What kind of quality do you think this film would have?

eSportsTV.com Joins The Pipeline
What at the time seemed like a match made in Heaven, eSportsTV joined The Pipeline in sharing some of their coverage of video game tournaments. Then after the initial launch, they never sent any new footage over nor returned my emails. So a couple of months later we ditched them.

Arcades on the Rise
For the first time in years, it’s reported that the arcade industry is growing with new arcades popping up across the US! Support your local arcade!

Virginia Tech Shootings
The Virgina Tech shootings occur and the world panics and mourns some more. RIP

Blake Elens Comes Back
A long time StuffWeLike member comes to help out on the site once again

E3: Game Over
E3 officially announces it only has 32 exhibitors compared to the previous year of 400+. E3 is dead.

StuffWeLike Podcast #13
We return to Universal Citywalk to cover The Lord of the Rings Online launch. Thankfully this time our audio works great!

The Pipeline Syndicates G4, MTV, and more!
The Pipeline expands into syndicating RSS video feeds. More streaming content begins now!

Critics hate the Hitman movie. A lot.

Hitman Movie is Rotten

Most gamers have been hailing the famed Hitman movie as being the last saving grace for video game movies. Fans rejoiced when it was confirmed that Hitman is heading straight for an R-rating. It appears that all that has been in vain.

Critics have gotten their miserly hands on the Hitman movie and are not impressed. We have no reason to distrust Rotten Tomatoes, so here’s their score: 13% . Yes folks, time for a loud ‘WTF?!’ That’s right, the critics don’t like it one bit. There are a few positie reviews, but most of it looks bad. We took a quick glance over the reviews, and here’s what they say:

  • It is mindlessly cold and brutally violent (which is good for most of us).
  • Plenty of nudity – yes, sir!
  • Horrible story, direction, screenwriting, action, everything. Then again, when was that ever important in movies?
  • Comparable to James Bond and Bourne movies – in the bad way.
  • I particularly like Stephen Whitty’s statement: “A lousy picture.”
  • The positive reviews appear to be sarcastic, and not entirely hope-inducing.
  • EXCEPT Pete Hammond from Maxim: “It delivers top-notch action, dazzling gunplay and lots of fireworks. What more could we ask for?” Got a point there, Pete.
  • Some statements are hilarious: Apparently the film thinks fans of the videogame will empathize with a guy who has zero practice dealing with women.
  • This is a script written with the sensibility of a geeky 12-year-old boy and then dumbed-down some. More than some.
  • A movie so bland it’s hard to believe it was inspired by anything more than a Wikipedia entry on ‘action thrillers.’

While this makes for some good laughs for us folks not interested in the Hitman games, you can expect a lot of fuming from the Hitman camp. But nyah, those are critics. We, the viewers do want mindless violence, secks, blood and guns.

You might think that’s not bad for a video game movie, but it actually is. Here are Rotten Tomatoes’ scores for some other video game movies:

DOA: Dead or Alive: 34%
Resident Evil: 33%
Resident Evil: Apocalypse: 21%
Resident Evil: Extinction: 22%
Mortal Kombat: 20%
Doom: 19%

Wow. Hitman is worse than Doom? Is that even possible?

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