Category: Review

Gears of War (+)

PLAY THIS GAME. That said, I thought I may have been a little behind the curve, as I assumed most people would have already played through it.

Though you, loyal readership, may have, I was alarmingly surprised to find that many of my friends have not yet even seen it. If you don’t have an Xbox 360, you better make friends who do, even if its just to check it out. This game is pretty high up there.

Thinking back, Halo, and then Halo 2, have pretty much been the guys-hanging-out games to play. For a brief time it was Super Smash Brothers, yet somehow we played less and less and more and more Halo. Here’s a whole new animal for you to sink your teeth into.

The first thing that catches your eye, quite literally, is the amazing visual quality of the game. It uses the Unreal Engine 3, and takes full advantage of the amazing power of the 360. Seemed like Microsoft bashers were fine in saying that Halo was the only reason that the Xbox was close to good; well, in this generation, I would say that at the moment, Gears of War is keeping the 360 buoyant as ever I haven’t heard much bashing whatsoever. Graphically, its outstanding the level of detail, grime, and gore is amazing. Whether you’re sawing through someone with the chainsaw bayonet (Yes, its better even than you would imagine!) or curb-stomping a felled enemy, the game is greasy and gritty. And bloody. Deliciously so, especially if you’re into blood and gore, and amazing graphics.

Gameplay is quite satisfying. Teamwork is a big part, whether you’re working cooperatively with another player, or just with the AI. The enemies are pretty clever, and I think the games success is due in large part to the difficulty of the campaign they were very right in making the normal or medium setting hardcore. Insane is a step up, but both settings test your skill throughout each area. Casual is nice too, if you want to sit down with your dad and play for a bit.

The element of third-person agility moves isn’t new, but its pretty darn great in this game. Using the a-button, you can duck behind cover, jump over barricades, charge, and perform dives and rolls. One difficulty in it is that it’s the same button to run as it is to grab cover, which can be irritating when it comes to close combat, but hey. I guess I don’t have anything else to say about that.

There is some great online play, but you may run into trouble if you’re used to fielding a team of 8 or so playing Halo online. Gears of War only supports up to 8 players max in a game, meaning 4 on 4 action. The multiplayer levels aren’t really big enough to support more, but so far I’ve been pretty satisfied. It supports voice chat, individualized matchmaking, recorded statistics, earn achievements, and personalize gamer profiles.

The music of the game is pretty good too. Sometimes this can really drag down games, but with a healthy mix of orchestral space-opera type music and heavy lead guitar, one might be reminded of the effectiveness of the Halo theme, later featured on guitar in the second installment.

This is the only console game I’ve ever played that made me actually consider purchasing a console for the express purpose of playing this single game. The only other game that came close was Doom 3, on the Xbox. Seriously guys if you hate on Xbox, this might change your mind; if you have an Xbox 360, this is WORTH the 60 bucks; if your buddy has a 360, you know what he’s getting for the holidays. You might consider handing it over to him as an early gift, though, and GET YOUR GEAR ON.

Let’s Go to Prison

Remember the previews for Let’s Go to Prison? The Warden says that if anyone is innocent, they should step forward, and they can go free. One poor soul chooses to do so, and gets a gun butt to the face. Pretty much the character of the whole movie.

“We should be cellmates. I don’t snore, and I’m a quiet masturbator. Hell, I’ll even give you the top bunk.”

Though the movie is pretty crude, its definitely not as vulgar as I expected. It has a healthy mix of what one would expect as prison humor, and amazing performances by supporting roles. Chi McBridge’s performance as ‘Barry,’ the huge “black dude” inmate, has such heart that its impossible NOT to fall in love with him: unless, I suppose, its you he is wooing. I kid you not: “Prepare to be woo-ed, by the master.”

Another great supporting role is that of the Warden, played by Dylan Baker. His cold demeanor, coupled with his dry ‘humor’ makes this guy funny because he’s NOT if you know what I mean. I mean honestly, what a dick.

The writing is pretty good, even though the premise is pretty silly. When criminal John Lyshitski finally gets out of prison another time, he goes after the judge who’s sent him there, time after time. When he finds that the judge is dead, he goes after the judge’s **bleep** son, gets him sent to jail, and decides to commit a crime to follow him in. When a surprising turn of events turn Nelson Biederman the IVth into boss of the slammer, things are a little less fun for John Lyshitski.

With good acting, great dialogue, and some great plot twists, this movie is one to stop by and check out, even if you’re not running there NOW. Go see it with some friends, and hey: if your babe can handle The Pick of Destiny, go ahead and make a date night to see Let’s Go to Prison. You know you want to.

The Pick of Destiny

The tagline: The greatest motion picture of all time. I think it pretty much lives up to it, if you narrow the category to the greatest Tenacious D motion picture of all time.

That said, the movie was great. If you’re a Tenacious D fan, this movie has everything that you’ll expect from a Tenacious D movie. That is to say, if there were a Tenacious D movie, this is exactly what it would be like. Which it is.

With a whole new lineup of songs, you won’t be bored by listening to the tracks from the album you may have already heard a thousand times. Though there are a few teasers alluding to the previous album. I don’t want to ruin it for you, though.

Definitely a soundtrack you’d want to get your hands on. That aside, Jack Black does his usual, which pleases the fans but may irritate those specific people who don’t specifically like that guy. So don’t go to the movie with those boring people. Kyle Gass does a great job on-screen, and his acting is fabulous. Though, with those two, I’m pretty sure they aren’t acting too much.

As far as the writing, I really liked the plot. It delves into the fictional creation of the band, which is an entire great subplot in and of itself. After discovering that a single pick has been used by all the Rock Masters, the duo embark on a quest to acquire this item so that they, too, can become great. I don’t want to spoil too much, because so much of comedies especially ones like these are pretty fantastic when you’re surprised by the absurdity.

I will say though, that Ben Stiller makes a worthwhile appearance, and that’s pretty fun. He does a good job. Overall, I’d definitely recommend this as a movie to see when you’ve got the guys together, but you might want to avoid this one as a date movie: unless you two are cool like that.

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (-)

We all saw the first The Santa Clause, a charming holiday family movie featuring Tim Allen. We probably liked it, and then the holidays were over. I vaguely remember the second installment, though I never saw it and don’t remember any advertisements. When my small cousins came to town, I went ahead and took them to the third installment.

Some of us like Tim Allen and Martin Short, but go ahead and skip this one. While the first Santa Clause was a charming family movie, this one is definitely for the kiddies. And while none of you guys are likely choosing this one when you go to the movies, when taking the family’s young’ns out, go ahead and choose something else.

The plot is the usual unsatisfying children’s formula: we’re presented with a common family social problem, and while the villain starts out as a mischievous troublemaker, the climax is over and done before he does anything really bad. By the end of the movie, the villain miraculously sees the error in his ways and gets to join in for the big family photo-finish.

Nothing really remarkable about the performances, I thought Martin Short did okay with the script he was handed, and Tim Allen did his usual. (Oh, too bad it wasn’t tool time THIS time.) Just go watch Jungle 2 Jungle and be sated.

One good thing must be said though: Martin Short’s costume looked great. Maybe it just stood out against the gruesome obviously-studio-fabricated-background.

Madden NFL 07 (+)

The first retooled version of Madden NFL in a long time.

It’s amazing that the Madden fanbase is almost like an exclusive club that I simply don’t get. Why do people enjoy football games? They aren’t fun. Nothing about them is entertaining. I never feel that I’m in control. It’s absolutely shocking for me to say that for the first time in the Madden franchise I actually want to play Madden NFL 07 for the Wii.

Do I understand all the ins and outs of the game? Of course not. The game is still full of all this random stuff for which I have no clue what its purpose serves. But Madden NFL 07 is a great example of a game that reaches out to a new audience while still holds onto its current fanbase.

In previous generations Madden has always been a game that you click to throw, click to punt, click to tackle. Because of the Wii controller EA had to rethink how Madden works. The result is a game where you have to throw the controller in order to throw the football, toss the controller to punt, put your arms in the air to catch, wiggle your controller to avoid a tackle, and yeah it still is click to tackle. Overall these new controls give you the freedom that actual football players have in the sport.

Now these controls are exclusive to the Wii version. Also exclusive to the Wii version are the absolutely sucky graphics. Seriously Madden hasn’t ever had graphics as bad as these on a console since the Dreamcast. Sure it’s nice that if it rains the field becomes muddy, but the models are so low polygon especially on the coaches faces that you almost want to throw up. It’s as if their faces imploded.

Multiplayer is ok, but the 3rd and 4th players will find themselves bored as they are not the quarter backs. The quarter back gets the most fun out of the game. Also there is no online multiplayer, hopefully something that changes in Madden NFL 08.

Bottom line is that if you like football and have never really liked a Madden game, definitely check out Madden for the Wii as it’s a whole new experience.

Superman Returns: The Video Game (+)

Based loosely upon the Superman Returns movie. Play as Superman the most powerful man in the DC Universe.

What comes to mind when you hear the name Superman Returns: The Video Game? It should be the term ‘movie based game.’ Movie based video games are some of the worst known to man. Extra Terrestrial (E.T.) screwed the genre over, but thankfully it has gotten better overtime, mainly due to the Spiderman movie based video game series.

In that regards I wasn’t expecting much from Superman Returns. I hated the Superman Returns movie. Smallville is one of the worst shows on television now. And so a video game based on the Superman franchise well those are the horrible. Superman 64 was unplayable. To my surprise Superman Returns The Video Game, is the most amazing game that I have played on my 360 and it could very well be one of the best super hero games out there along with movie to video adaption!

Yes I know that that seems impossible but Superman Returns is like Grand Theft Auto, but without the hookers. Flying around Metropolis is some of the most satisfying gameplay experience that I’ve had in a long time. As you fly at super speed the controller rumbles, making the experience all that greater. Fly into the skies of Metropolis and see the city from miles high. The invisible barriers that usually plague games are few to be found here. For the first time ever I feel like a bird in the sky.

Pick up any object around you: cars, robots, street lamps, etc. Smash them into your enemies. Use your blowing power, laser eye beam, or your icy breath to attack your enemies. Punch your enemies into the sky. Run at super speed. Fly into buildings and see the walls crumble from the force of the impact! Seriously the list of awesome gameplay goes on and on!

The power of the 360 is fully shown in this game as there are no load times. Fly from point A to point B without any hesitations. The graphics are crystal clear and obviously take full advantage of the system’s high definition capabilities.

If you ever wanted to fly, if you ever wanted to be Superman, if you ever wanted to play a good movie based video game Superman Returns is it! Sure it has its problems such as repetitive gameplay, but seriously what game doesn’t get repetitive at points?! Superman Returns: The Video Game is definitely a game that I’d be proud to show off in my 360 game collection.