Category: Watch

We all saw the first The Santa Clause, a charming holiday family movie featuring Tim Allen. We probably liked it, and then the holidays were over. I vaguely remember the second installment, though I never saw it and don’t remember any advertisements. When my small cousins came to town, I went ahead and took them to the third installment.

Some of us like Tim Allen and Martin Short, but go ahead and skip this one. While the first Santa Clause was a charming family movie, this one is definitely for the kiddies. And while none of you guys are likely choosing this one when you go to the movies, when taking the family’s young’ns out, go ahead and choose something else.

The plot is the usual unsatisfying children’s formula: we’re presented with a common family social problem, and while the villain starts out as a mischievous troublemaker, the climax is over and done before he does anything really bad. By the end of the movie, the villain miraculously sees the error in his ways and gets to join in for the big family photo-finish.

Nothing really remarkable about the performances, I thought Martin Short did okay with the script he was handed, and Tim Allen did his usual. (Oh, too bad it wasn’t tool time THIS time.) Just go watch Jungle 2 Jungle and be sated.

One good thing must be said though: Martin Short’s costume looked great. Maybe it just stood out against the gruesome obviously-studio-fabricated-background.

BloodRayne is the type of movie that isn’t that bad, but definitely isn’t good. It isn’t the type of movie that you want to vomit at all the horrible acting and dialogue sequences, but is on the verge.

The issue with BloodRayne lies not within the directing of Uwe Boll, for this is actually a huge improvement over his original video game movie House of the Dead. The visual effects in BloodRayne are actually decent and overall are the best part of the film. The music does absolutely nothing, I mean if this film didn’t have any music in it, the quality of the film would have just been the same. That’s how useless the music is in this film. But again it’s the acting that absolutely sucks.

Hearing B-quality actors try to speak in 18th century dialect hurts thy ears. Sure it could have been a lot better if the script writers actually knew how to write in this form without every sentence feeling tacked together.

I’ve never played a BloodRayne video game so I cannot compare how exactly this film works in relation to the video game. But I know that if I was a fan of this game series, I would want to suck my own blood.

The story itself leaves the viewer feeling nothing what so ever. It’s pointless. Need I say more?

I myself have to ask, why would I bother watching this film? First off I saw it for free on On-Demand. Secondly I liked the visuals: the gory blood splattering and Rayne’s rage sequences. Would I pay money to see this film  no. Absolutely no. But if I came across this on a Wednesday night with nothing else to do, right before Thanksgiving, and I could see it for free, wasting an hour and 35 minutes of my life doesn’t sound that bad.

Again BloodRayne is not the worst movie of all time, but it surely isn’t a good movie.