Category: Movies

Edward Scissorhands is not the type of movie that you would want to watch over and over again till your mind can’t take it anymore. It’s a movie that you can revisit years after your last watch and still enjoy the zany characters and story. Just today I decided to revisit this Tim Burton world.

It is a timeless story about love ala Beauty and the Beast. What differentiates this movie from the pack is the style that it is brought forth in. The whole package has been skillfully assembled from the story, to set designs, and even the music. It is one of the few films where you care about all of the characters.

The set designs are gorgeous ranging from the Goth style (Edward’s Mansion) to the suburban lifestyle of the 1960s-1970s. The movie plays off of these two different worlds so well. From jokes to emotional disconnection the world that surrounds these characters is as real as life itself.

The composer, Danny Elfman, has scored some amazing music. It fits the style of the movie so well. It helps the viewer imagine the world from Edward’s innocent point of view.

Even to date there still has yet to be a movie like this. Yes it bares resemblance to Night Mare Before Christmas and other Tim Burton films, but its world still remains unique. The creativity that has gone into this film has and forever will make this film stand the test of time.

Remember the previews for Let’s Go to Prison? The Warden says that if anyone is innocent, they should step forward, and they can go free. One poor soul chooses to do so, and gets a gun butt to the face. Pretty much the character of the whole movie.

“We should be cellmates. I don’t snore, and I’m a quiet masturbator. Hell, I’ll even give you the top bunk.”

Though the movie is pretty crude, its definitely not as vulgar as I expected. It has a healthy mix of what one would expect as prison humor, and amazing performances by supporting roles. Chi McBridge’s performance as ‘Barry,’ the huge “black dude” inmate, has such heart that its impossible NOT to fall in love with him: unless, I suppose, its you he is wooing. I kid you not: “Prepare to be woo-ed, by the master.”

Another great supporting role is that of the Warden, played by Dylan Baker. His cold demeanor, coupled with his dry ‘humor’ makes this guy funny because he’s NOT if you know what I mean. I mean honestly, what a dick.

The writing is pretty good, even though the premise is pretty silly. When criminal John Lyshitski finally gets out of prison another time, he goes after the judge who’s sent him there, time after time. When he finds that the judge is dead, he goes after the judge’s **bleep** son, gets him sent to jail, and decides to commit a crime to follow him in. When a surprising turn of events turn Nelson Biederman the IVth into boss of the slammer, things are a little less fun for John Lyshitski.

With good acting, great dialogue, and some great plot twists, this movie is one to stop by and check out, even if you’re not running there NOW. Go see it with some friends, and hey: if your babe can handle The Pick of Destiny, go ahead and make a date night to see Let’s Go to Prison. You know you want to.

The tagline: The greatest motion picture of all time. I think it pretty much lives up to it, if you narrow the category to the greatest Tenacious D motion picture of all time.

That said, the movie was great. If you’re a Tenacious D fan, this movie has everything that you’ll expect from a Tenacious D movie. That is to say, if there were a Tenacious D movie, this is exactly what it would be like. Which it is.

With a whole new lineup of songs, you won’t be bored by listening to the tracks from the album you may have already heard a thousand times. Though there are a few teasers alluding to the previous album. I don’t want to ruin it for you, though.

Definitely a soundtrack you’d want to get your hands on. That aside, Jack Black does his usual, which pleases the fans but may irritate those specific people who don’t specifically like that guy. So don’t go to the movie with those boring people. Kyle Gass does a great job on-screen, and his acting is fabulous. Though, with those two, I’m pretty sure they aren’t acting too much.

As far as the writing, I really liked the plot. It delves into the fictional creation of the band, which is an entire great subplot in and of itself. After discovering that a single pick has been used by all the Rock Masters, the duo embark on a quest to acquire this item so that they, too, can become great. I don’t want to spoil too much, because so much of comedies especially ones like these are pretty fantastic when you’re surprised by the absurdity.

I will say though, that Ben Stiller makes a worthwhile appearance, and that’s pretty fun. He does a good job. Overall, I’d definitely recommend this as a movie to see when you’ve got the guys together, but you might want to avoid this one as a date movie: unless you two are cool like that.

We all saw the first The Santa Clause, a charming holiday family movie featuring Tim Allen. We probably liked it, and then the holidays were over. I vaguely remember the second installment, though I never saw it and don’t remember any advertisements. When my small cousins came to town, I went ahead and took them to the third installment.

Some of us like Tim Allen and Martin Short, but go ahead and skip this one. While the first Santa Clause was a charming family movie, this one is definitely for the kiddies. And while none of you guys are likely choosing this one when you go to the movies, when taking the family’s young’ns out, go ahead and choose something else.

The plot is the usual unsatisfying children’s formula: we’re presented with a common family social problem, and while the villain starts out as a mischievous troublemaker, the climax is over and done before he does anything really bad. By the end of the movie, the villain miraculously sees the error in his ways and gets to join in for the big family photo-finish.

Nothing really remarkable about the performances, I thought Martin Short did okay with the script he was handed, and Tim Allen did his usual. (Oh, too bad it wasn’t tool time THIS time.) Just go watch Jungle 2 Jungle and be sated.

One good thing must be said though: Martin Short’s costume looked great. Maybe it just stood out against the gruesome obviously-studio-fabricated-background.

BloodRayne is the type of movie that isn’t that bad, but definitely isn’t good. It isn’t the type of movie that you want to vomit at all the horrible acting and dialogue sequences, but is on the verge.

The issue with BloodRayne lies not within the directing of Uwe Boll, for this is actually a huge improvement over his original video game movie House of the Dead. The visual effects in BloodRayne are actually decent and overall are the best part of the film. The music does absolutely nothing, I mean if this film didn’t have any music in it, the quality of the film would have just been the same. That’s how useless the music is in this film. But again it’s the acting that absolutely sucks.

Hearing B-quality actors try to speak in 18th century dialect hurts thy ears. Sure it could have been a lot better if the script writers actually knew how to write in this form without every sentence feeling tacked together.

I’ve never played a BloodRayne video game so I cannot compare how exactly this film works in relation to the video game. But I know that if I was a fan of this game series, I would want to suck my own blood.

The story itself leaves the viewer feeling nothing what so ever. It’s pointless. Need I say more?

I myself have to ask, why would I bother watching this film? First off I saw it for free on On-Demand. Secondly I liked the visuals: the gory blood splattering and Rayne’s rage sequences. Would I pay money to see this film  no. Absolutely no. But if I came across this on a Wednesday night with nothing else to do, right before Thanksgiving, and I could see it for free, wasting an hour and 35 minutes of my life doesn’t sound that bad.

Again BloodRayne is not the worst movie of all time, but it surely isn’t a good movie.

Van Helsing is the worst movie of the summer!

No…

Van Helsing is the best monster movie ever!

No…

So Van Helsing is not a horror movie?

Well sort of. Van Helsing is a movie in which you must either like video games or just outrageous movie plots/actions to enjoy. The movie is just so crazy. The action just never dies down. If you blink you’ve probably missed something. This movie is 2 hours and 25 minutes so you’d think that the movie would lose it’s momentum at some point, but it never really does. The visuals in this movie are just spectacular especially the final fight scene. Easily the best sequence is that in the beginning with Frankenstein and his monster. The movie essentially makes up it’s own history for most of these characters to make the storyline work with itself, which it actually accomplishes. For a movie so jammed packed with different kinds of monsters it all fits together and it works. Definitely the coolest monster in the movie was Dracula and his three wives as they completely reinvented the look of a vampire. The only bad part in this movie was just the very end, which was very cheesy, but it’s nothing to bad (I won’t ruin it for you). Everyone in this movie was decent at acting. There was definitely a lot of comedy in this movie, something that the director is known for through his other movies like The Mummy. The score is won’t be one that you remember in 20 years compared to other adventure flicks such as Indiana Jones, but it does well for the movie.

Overall I recommend this film to anyone that likes monster movies and definitely anyone that can handle a movie based around so many CGI objects. If you’re expecting to be scared or spooked there is no reason to see this movie. It is a movie that is for pure fun and excitement.