It appears that Hollywood has been absorbed by an ugly orgy of revealing title names, hoping to make them as bold and imposing as possible. While we haven’t encountered anything that beats the next Indiana Jones movie (whose title is reportedly as long as the length of Russia), we have come across some interesting title revelations, which will now reveal before you and dissect with pristine beauty.
First, the next Rambo movie. It’s early title was “John Rambo” but that was too wimpy for an Italian roaming the jungles with a machinegun and a heart of vengeance. Next came Rambo: To Hell and Back, and that sucked too. Well, we’re ignoring the rest and giving you the dope straight on. Rambo 4’s title is: Rambo! Applaud, people!
Not only is this going to cause oodles of confusion when you want to watch all the Rambo films in order some 30 years later, it is also rather unoriginal. I mean, when people say a new Rambo movie is coming out, you don’t need an imposing “RAMBO” to tell them that. Sheesh.
They even came out with a poster, which in all its clichéed glory, captures the essence of post-2005 movie posters. Black and white? Check. Cool pose? Check. Sublime hints at violence without being overly graphic? Check. Mild deja vu? Check again. Here it is (click for larger pic):
Now, we’ll move on the next Harold & Kumar flick, something that will hopefully involve lesser machineguns, jungles and brawny muscles. This time, the two are locked in more trouble and the title reflects that. The title is (drum roll): Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay. Bold, satirical and it has the “zing” factor.
The movie’s earlier title was Harold & Kumar Go To Amsterdam, but they scrapped it when they realized that the two don’t go to Amsterdam anyways. Similar reasons were involved when they scrapped the title “Harold & Kumar Conduct Vegetable Slavery and Eat Carbonated Orangutans”.
In the movie, the duo are mistaken for terrorists and locked up in Guantanamo. They escape, Homeland Security chases them, blah blah. You don’t need more in a synopsis, believe me.
And last but not the least (*dodges abuse*), we have the title for the new Wolverine movie. The movie will focus on everyone’s favourite admantium-laced X-men member with a penchant for violence, Wolverine. The movie is dubbed X-Men Origins: Wolverine and that sounds decent to me. In fact, it hints at more X-men movies focusing on character histories, which isn’t an entirely bad thing. Just count me out when the Cyclops one comes out.
Also announced is that the movie will be released somewhere in May 2009. As we have reported before, the summer of ’09 (heh) is going to kick ass considering the awesome barrage of movies coming out. All we need to finish it off is a sequel to 300.
I’m, uh, going now.
