Today we bring you something out of the ordinary: a gut-wrenching story of how an ordinary, internet-feeding teenager lost his life’s control as he descended into the new evil that is plaguing our society – World of WarCraft.
Upon his request, we have kept the identity of the individual hidden; however his World of WarCraft account is “Zorthar”, which he gladly shared with us. He is a victim of this hideous addiction known as World of WarCraft, something that many have cited to be more harmful than LSD, Heroin, Marijuana and Cocaine combined.
After spending five hours trying to convince him off that harmful game, I got him to answer my interview questions so that we can get a more in-depth view of how an addicted mind works. If you feel that your answers are similar to the ones Zorthar has given us, and you undertake harmful activities like played World of WarCraft, we strongly suggest you quit playing and consult a psychiatrist. We’re not going to pay you, though.
StuffWeLike: Good Morning, Mr. Zorthar! How are you feeling today?
Zorthar: All geared up and ready to pillage!
StuffWeLike: Uh, yeah. Let’s start, now. Do you recognize your addiction to World of WarCraft?
Zorthar: Yeah, sure. Hey, stop eating that flower.
StuffWeLike: (eating sounds) So, When did you first play World of WarCraft?
Zorthar: It all began 21 days ago, when I was at a friends home. We where having a discussion about WoW, I told him how I felt about it that Blizzard ripped those people off with their monthly fees and how bad WoW looked, etc. And he was saying how great WoW was, blablabla. Afterwards he convinced me to start up WoW and play around with his character, from that moment on my life changed!
StuffWeLike: How many hours do you play World of WarCraft each day?
Zorthar: About 7 to 8 hours a day. I spend the rest of the time sleeping, eating a warrior’s meal and thinking more WoW strategies.
StuffWeLike: Did you ever feel like quitting World of WarCraft and pursuing more creative activities?
Zorthar: No, why would I do that? I got WoW, babeh!
StuffWeLike: Have your friends noticed your addiction? How have they remarked to it? Are you friends with any other addicts?
Zorthar: Yes, they have noticed my addiction. They remarked with mixed reponses (I like what your doing, it’s soaking up your life, etc) And yes, they know other WoW addicts. I won’t name them, but I know some drug addicts as well, and well, they look better of than me. But they’re never as high as I am, dude.
StuffWeLike: Have you ever approached a psychiatrist or any other doctor regarding the addiction?
Zorthar: No, and I don’t want to either!
StuffWeLike: Have you been labelled anti-social because of your addiction, or have faced criticism and/or insult from your peers?
Zorthar: Nah, but if I do, I general ignore them. I send dead goats and burning rats as a warning, like every normal person.
StuffWeLike: We noticed some guys outside your house talking about an anti-social creep living here. Were they, by any chance, referring to you?
Zorthar: Of course not, don’t be silly. Those are just some homeless bums. (To roommate) Didn’t I ****ing tell you NOT to touch the mutilated head collection, you Level 2 Undead?
StuffWeLike: Ookay, so, are you taking any steps to ending your addiction, or at least controlling it?
Zorthar: I take toilet breaks and breaks to order pizza and breaks to shift my butt from one end of the chair to the other. Oh wait, do they count?
StuffWeLike: I’m afraid not.
Zorthar: Ah, well, the answer’s no, then.
StuffWeLike: What is your World of WarCraft ID and what level are you? Can you share other details about your World of WarCraft identity?
Zorthar: I got two WoW characters. A level 28 Dwarf warrior named Hadhód and a level 19 Orc shaman named Orghuk! Hadhód is your drunken Dwarf and Orguk is more of a “tiki taki” nature type of guy.
StuffWeLike: Do you want to see Blizzard burn in hell for inventing a lethal addiction?
Zorthar: Burn good… burn yes… (Eyes uncannily mesmerized)
StuffWeLike: Anything else you’d like to share about your condition and World of WarCraft?
Zorthar: Everyone, go play WoW and join my guild!
StuffWeLike: We thank you for your time, Mr. Zorthar.
Zorthar: Can I go play WoW now?
This interview sheds some light on the twisted and hallucinatory mind of an addict. If you know anyone suffering such a debilitating addiction for World of WarCraft, we encourage you to seek help for the victim. It is only by helping each other can we save the world from this gruesome taint of World of WarCraft. We wish all victims of this addiction a swift recovery and pray that a saintly soul will bring me back my friend from the clutches of the evil drug.