5 Things I Learned While Watching Gran Torino

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While it wasn’t the best film I’ve ever seen, Gran Torino still manages to deliver on a strong emotional level. Yes, the acting from everyone but Clint Eastwood is not that great. And, yes, at times you may feel like you’re watching an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger sans Chuck Norris. These things may be true, but there are five other key things I learned while watching this film. Let’s explore them, shall we?

FILM-HOLIDAYS

1. Old people like to greet one another with racial epithets.

Throughout the film, Eastwood’s character, Walt, uses racial slurs against the minorities in his community. But he’s an equal opportunity offender as well. He also takes great pride in verbally attacking his barber, and a friend of his at a construction site. It’s actually amusing to watch Eastwood become a 2009 version of Archie Bunker from All in the Family (ask your grandparents about this show, kids).

Honestly, I’ve never witnessed this type of behavior in the real world. I wouldn’t recommend it, and it would be best to heed that advice in these overly politically correct times.

2. Stereotypes work even when not in a film like Crash.

Ah, Crash. If there was ever a movie that exploited EVERY racial stereotype in Los Angeles, Crash would be the film. And, unknown to me, stereotypes = Oscar gold!

Much like Crash, Gran Torino offers up some fine stereotypes of its own. The three black thugs that go after the innocent Asian girl. The white guy who wants to be black. The Asian gangbangers who blast Asian gangsta rap from their car speakers. You get the picture. Oh, and even white folks get their due as we see Walt’s sons are nothing more than white yuppie scum.

Remember kids: be an original and don’t propagate stereotypes in your own actions and deeds.

Clint Eastwood = Bad-Ass!
Clint Eastwood = Bad-Ass!

3. Clint Eastwood can grumble, mumble, and say one-liners at 78 and still be a bad-ass.

Clint Eastwood, in my opinion, can do whatever the hell he wants (see #4). And in this film all he needs to do is give a look and you know he means business.

A lot of what Eastwood says in the film comes across as pithy one-liners that are pretty funny. I can see someone getting the DVD just so they can design a Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino Soundboard to prank call people with (not a suggestion).

He may be 78, but he’s still got the Dirty Harry edge to him. His role as a bitter, bigoted, curmudgeon, works because of how Eastwood plays him: simple, minimalist, and empathetic.

4. Clint Eastwood: Actor, Director, Producer…Singer??

Dirty Harry, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Unforgiven, Million Dollar Baby, Space Cowboys, etc,etc,etc,etc. Eastwood’s had a creative tie to them all. And as star, director, and producer of Gran Torino, you’d think that would be good enough. Not for Eastwood!

At the end of the film, I was in tears. The end is sad. Not Marley & Me sad, but sad. And then, the movies theme song begins. Whose voice is that coming through the speakers? It’s Clint Eastwood! Holy crap! I guess he figured that if Chuck Norris can sing the theme song to Walker, Texas Ranger (see below), he sure as hell can sing a ditty at the end of his final film as an actor.

Movie Trivia: Eastwood sang a song with Ray Charles in the 80s film Any Which Way You Can. Netflix it!

Intro to Walker, Texas Ranger as sung by Mr. Chuck Norris!

5. A movie can still be good even if the first 15-20 minutes are kind of shaky.

I wasn’t sure about the film at the start. Heavy exposition. Eastwood says little to nothing. We move over to the neighbor’s home for five minutes, but keep wondering where Eastwood is. And then it picks up. Gets better. Builds momentum, and carries you to the end. If you can be patient, your patience will pay off in the end.

I still don’t get why other critics are praising this as a Top Ten film, or why it’s being nominated for awards. Eastwood deserves a nomination as an actor. But for Best Picture? Save that for something that deserves the Oscar nod: Paul Blart – Mall Cop (just kidding).

What do you mean, you didn't like "Space Cowboys"??

Gran Torino earns an A. It’s Eastwood’s last acting role, so this grade’s for him! Now…get off my lawn!!

Transformers Season Two: In 150 Words!

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Autobots battle Decepticons in an anime style world. Autobots are allied with humans and the police. Both robot parties are after the ALLSPARK. Some young girl holds the key, literally, to helping the Autobots succeed against all things evil.

Silly, uninteresting, and dull, this is a definite pass for any fans of the old-school cartoon or the Michael Bay film. While an overarching story exists throughout the entire season, it’s hard to believe kids would care at all about the issues facing the Autobots.

This is one animated series not worth the time or money. Wait for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen coming this year. You’re time and money will be better spent. I know that’s my plan.

Transformers: Animated – Season Two gets a metal bending C. ‘Cause if you bend a metal pipe, that’s the shape it makes. Or a V, but that’s not a letter grade for something.

Countdown to Obama with Eight Days of That’s My Bush!

That's My Bush! cast

Back in late 2000/early 2001, Trey Parker and Matt Stone went to work crafting a sitcom based on president-elect George W. Bush. During the campaign they had two ideas based on the two candidates: Absolute Al, a sitcom about Al Gore in the White House, and That’s My Bush!

No matter your opinion on the election results, Bush was inaugurated in January of 2000, and production began on this short-lived live-action sitcom from South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

Their mission was two-fold: to spoof the Bush administration and to spoof clichéd and overused sitcom conventions. The result was eight episodes of over-the-top political and comic insanity as only Parker and Stone could deliver.

But what happened to it? Only eight episodes? With so many political snafus over the past eight years, you’d think this series would be in its eighth season nearing its finale. Two theories have been bandied about as to why the show ended: ratings were too low to justify the huge price-per-episode, and September 11, 2001.

The series was cancelled. Oh, what those crazy South Park guys would have done with eight years of material from the Bush White House. One can only imagine.

Thanks to The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Saturday Night Live, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons, Lil’ Bush, and South Park, the jabs and political satire have been alive and well, and presented much cheaper than a multi-million dollar sitcom.

In honor of these final days of Bush, and before Obama takes the oath of office, I thought it only fitting to pay tribute to That’s My Bush! with a Countdown to Inauguration Day marathon.

Ready? Set? Sing-a-long with the wacky theme!

FYI: NOT THE ACTUAL OPENING CREDITS OF THE SHOW

He’s the president in residence,
He’s kind of in charge.
He’s got the whole country sayin’:
That’s My Bush!

Life is hard, that’s the price of fame,
When your president everyone knows your name.
Hey what’s that thing?
It’s My Bush!

I can’t believe he’s actually in the White House!
That’s our man!
That’s My Bush!

*******

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Monday, January 12, 2009

Episode #001: An Aborted Dinner Date (pilot)

When George accidentally schedules a romantic evening for him and Laura on the same night as his abortion dinner at the White House, he must try and do both without the other party knowing. Shenanigans ensue!

Fun Fact: The puppet of Felix, the anti-abortion activists, was so slow on-set, they had to bump up the frame rate so he would look as if he were moving at normal speed.

The pilot portrays George as more devious than buffoonish, which works on one level, but not in making him a truly endearing main character. B.

*******

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Episode #002: A Poorly Executed Plan

When George’s frat buddies come to stay at the White House, he tries to stage a “fake” execution to amaze them with his power as president, and show that he hasn’t gone soft.

Fun Fact: When George’s frat buddies arrive, they are dressed as gun-toting terrorists. This sequence is cut out of the TV version, but not on DVD.

A decent episode that explores avenues of black comedy. A-.

*******

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Episode #003: Eenie Meenie Miney Murder

Thanks to an addiction to telephone psychics, George believes that someone in the White House is trying to kill him.

Fun Fact #1: The days the real bear was on-set, no women were allowed due to their menstrual cycles being an attractant.

Fun Fact #2: The man who portrays Charlton Heston (Bob Legionaire) was Heston’s stand-in in real life. He asked permission to do the role from Heston.

A very funny episode that shows how absurd and goofy the show could be. Some great bad jokes by the Heston character related to his famous movie roles. A.

*******

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Episode #004: S.D.I. – Aye-Aye!

George tries to steal cable with the help of his neighbor, Larry, and accidentally activates the anti-missile SDI system. Meanwhile, Princess wants to become smarter, so she begin to take “memory” enhancers.

Fun Fact: It wasn’t until this episode that Parker and Stone realized who the character of George should really be on the series.

Another fun episode of the series, the highlight being the Princess storyline. A.

*******

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Friday, January 16, 2009

Episode #005: The First Lady’s Persqeeter

George decides to put Lauras’s 24-year-old cat to sleep because it’s old and smelly. When George overhears him talking about how disgusting the pussy is, she thinks he’s talking about her feminine hygiene. And a Three’s Company-style misunderstanding is born.

Fun Fact: This is Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s favorite episode of the series.

And mine, too. It’s the episode where the series finally caught its stride and became both a political and sitcom satire. Classic stuff. A+. The last five minutes of the episode are hilarious!

*******

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Episode #006: Mom “E” D.E.A. Arrest

George’s mother, Barbara, visits as the one-millionth drug dealer is arrested. While Barbara makes Laura’s life hell, George accidentally takes Ecstasy instead of Aspirin! It’s gonna be a wild time in the White House for sure!

Fun Fact: Timothy Bottoms (Bush) had no idea how a person on Ecstasy acts. Parker and Stone had to clue him in on what happens (not sure if they meant from personal experience or what).

Another solid episode, and you get to hear Barbara Bush say “man jam” to Laura. Good stuff. A.

*******

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Episode #007: Trapped in a Small Environment

After Laura sets Karl up on a blind date, she discovers he’s actually married! Meanwhile environmentalists protest outside the White House as George considers drilling for oil in Alaska.

Fun Fact: Kurt Fuller who plays Karl Rove was the final person cast for the series.

Another spin on a classic sitcom premise, but it’s clear even as a spoof this concept is worn-out. B.

*******

Monday, January 19, 2008

Episode #008: Fare Thee Welfare

George gets laid-off, Cheney takes over. With no money, George becomes a masked wrestler and wins the hearts of the American people all over again.

Fun Fact #1: At this point, the concept of another season was still on the fence. If That’s My Bush! had done better in the ratings than South Park, Comedy Central may have kept it on the air. At the same time, a new season would have premiered post-9/11, and both Parker and Stone felt the series would not have been as successful right after the events of that day.

Fun Fact #2: The opening credits, shows’ title, and theme were re-written for this ep. The revised lyrics for That’s My Dick!:

He’s the president in residence,
He’s kind of in charge.
He’s got the whole country sayin’:
That’s My Dick!

Life is hard, that’s the price of fame,
When your president everyone knows your name.
Hey what’s that thing?
It’s My Dick!

I can’t believe he’s actually in the White House!
That’s our man!
That’s My Dick!

Funny in concept and execution, while throwing George into a number of spoofed sitcom formats. And the actor who plays Dick Cheney is a hoot! A.

Here’s the music over the closing credits!

*******

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

You’ve finished the series, not go and celebrate the inauguration of our 44th president, Barack Obama!

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That’s My Bush! – The Definitive Collection
Paramount Pictures/Comedy Central/Important Television
Starring Timothy Bottoms, Carrie Quinn Dolin, Kurt Fuller, Marcia Wallace, Kristen Miller, and John D’Aquino
Created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone
Directed by Jeff Melman
Rated TV-MA for explicit content, adult language and situations
Running Time = 176 minutes (eight episodes on two DVDs)

The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Or If Juno Were a TV Series…

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I learned an interesting thing while watching ABC Family’s The Secret Life of the American Teenager: Continue reading “The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Or If Juno Were a TV Series…”

Towelhead is Cringe-Worthy Cinema

Towelhead DVD Cover

Have you ever seen a movie that made your skin crawl? A movie that wasn’t a horror flick, or some gross-out comedy? A film that made you want to shower over and over, but no matter how hard you scrubbed your eyes with soap the images from the film just wouldn’t go away? Continue reading “Towelhead is Cringe-Worthy Cinema”