Category: Watch

Remember the previews for Let’s Go to Prison? The Warden says that if anyone is innocent, they should step forward, and they can go free. One poor soul chooses to do so, and gets a gun butt to the face. Pretty much the character of the whole movie.

“We should be cellmates. I don’t snore, and I’m a quiet masturbator. Hell, I’ll even give you the top bunk.”

Though the movie is pretty crude, its definitely not as vulgar as I expected. It has a healthy mix of what one would expect as prison humor, and amazing performances by supporting roles. Chi McBridge’s performance as ‘Barry,’ the huge “black dude” inmate, has such heart that its impossible NOT to fall in love with him: unless, I suppose, its you he is wooing. I kid you not: “Prepare to be woo-ed, by the master.”

Another great supporting role is that of the Warden, played by Dylan Baker. His cold demeanor, coupled with his dry ‘humor’ makes this guy funny because he’s NOT if you know what I mean. I mean honestly, what a dick.

The writing is pretty good, even though the premise is pretty silly. When criminal John Lyshitski finally gets out of prison another time, he goes after the judge who’s sent him there, time after time. When he finds that the judge is dead, he goes after the judge’s **bleep** son, gets him sent to jail, and decides to commit a crime to follow him in. When a surprising turn of events turn Nelson Biederman the IVth into boss of the slammer, things are a little less fun for John Lyshitski.

With good acting, great dialogue, and some great plot twists, this movie is one to stop by and check out, even if you’re not running there NOW. Go see it with some friends, and hey: if your babe can handle The Pick of Destiny, go ahead and make a date night to see Let’s Go to Prison. You know you want to.

The tagline: The greatest motion picture of all time. I think it pretty much lives up to it, if you narrow the category to the greatest Tenacious D motion picture of all time.

That said, the movie was great. If you’re a Tenacious D fan, this movie has everything that you’ll expect from a Tenacious D movie. That is to say, if there were a Tenacious D movie, this is exactly what it would be like. Which it is.

With a whole new lineup of songs, you won’t be bored by listening to the tracks from the album you may have already heard a thousand times. Though there are a few teasers alluding to the previous album. I don’t want to ruin it for you, though.

Definitely a soundtrack you’d want to get your hands on. That aside, Jack Black does his usual, which pleases the fans but may irritate those specific people who don’t specifically like that guy. So don’t go to the movie with those boring people. Kyle Gass does a great job on-screen, and his acting is fabulous. Though, with those two, I’m pretty sure they aren’t acting too much.

As far as the writing, I really liked the plot. It delves into the fictional creation of the band, which is an entire great subplot in and of itself. After discovering that a single pick has been used by all the Rock Masters, the duo embark on a quest to acquire this item so that they, too, can become great. I don’t want to spoil too much, because so much of comedies especially ones like these are pretty fantastic when you’re surprised by the absurdity.

I will say though, that Ben Stiller makes a worthwhile appearance, and that’s pretty fun. He does a good job. Overall, I’d definitely recommend this as a movie to see when you’ve got the guys together, but you might want to avoid this one as a date movie: unless you two are cool like that.

We all saw the first The Santa Clause, a charming holiday family movie featuring Tim Allen. We probably liked it, and then the holidays were over. I vaguely remember the second installment, though I never saw it and don’t remember any advertisements. When my small cousins came to town, I went ahead and took them to the third installment.

Some of us like Tim Allen and Martin Short, but go ahead and skip this one. While the first Santa Clause was a charming family movie, this one is definitely for the kiddies. And while none of you guys are likely choosing this one when you go to the movies, when taking the family’s young’ns out, go ahead and choose something else.

The plot is the usual unsatisfying children’s formula: we’re presented with a common family social problem, and while the villain starts out as a mischievous troublemaker, the climax is over and done before he does anything really bad. By the end of the movie, the villain miraculously sees the error in his ways and gets to join in for the big family photo-finish.

Nothing really remarkable about the performances, I thought Martin Short did okay with the script he was handed, and Tim Allen did his usual. (Oh, too bad it wasn’t tool time THIS time.) Just go watch Jungle 2 Jungle and be sated.

One good thing must be said though: Martin Short’s costume looked great. Maybe it just stood out against the gruesome obviously-studio-fabricated-background.

BloodRayne is the type of movie that isn’t that bad, but definitely isn’t good. It isn’t the type of movie that you want to vomit at all the horrible acting and dialogue sequences, but is on the verge.

The issue with BloodRayne lies not within the directing of Uwe Boll, for this is actually a huge improvement over his original video game movie House of the Dead. The visual effects in BloodRayne are actually decent and overall are the best part of the film. The music does absolutely nothing, I mean if this film didn’t have any music in it, the quality of the film would have just been the same. That’s how useless the music is in this film. But again it’s the acting that absolutely sucks.

Hearing B-quality actors try to speak in 18th century dialect hurts thy ears. Sure it could have been a lot better if the script writers actually knew how to write in this form without every sentence feeling tacked together.

I’ve never played a BloodRayne video game so I cannot compare how exactly this film works in relation to the video game. But I know that if I was a fan of this game series, I would want to suck my own blood.

The story itself leaves the viewer feeling nothing what so ever. It’s pointless. Need I say more?

I myself have to ask, why would I bother watching this film? First off I saw it for free on On-Demand. Secondly I liked the visuals: the gory blood splattering and Rayne’s rage sequences. Would I pay money to see this film  no. Absolutely no. But if I came across this on a Wednesday night with nothing else to do, right before Thanksgiving, and I could see it for free, wasting an hour and 35 minutes of my life doesn’t sound that bad.

Again BloodRayne is not the worst movie of all time, but it surely isn’t a good movie.