Brutal Legend has the best ESRB description

Does Brutal Legend’s, as of yet unreleased, awesomeness know no bounds? The game’s submitted description to the ESRB has appeared, and it’s just breath taking.

This is an action adventure/role-playing game that tells the story of Eddie Riggs, a roadie who is transported to a mythical world of heavy metal rock. Eddie is armed with a guitar and a double-headed axe, which players can use to slash and dismember enemies. Players can also perform “face-melting solos” (literally melting enemies’ faces), meet humanoid creatures dressed like dominatrixes and brandishing whips, and liberate an army of rockers from a life of oppression. Although the storyline is often irreverent and whimsical, the depictions of violence are somewhat intense: Undead humanoids are dismembered with an axe (sometimes in slow-motion); a “Steel-Quilled Blade” causes human enemies to explode into gibs that rain down; machine guns, missile launchers, and sub woofers can be used to kill druids and other fantastical creatures. Eddie can also run over dozens of enemies with his hot rod, resulting in blood effects and more heads and limbs getting chopped off. During the course of the game, characters sometimes engage in suggestive dialogue intended for comedic effect (e.g., “Maybe with all your feedback, you guys could just blow me over the gorge” and “Playtime’s over. Now let’s get back to the orgy”). Players will also encounter “Skull Rakers” clad in bondage gear and amazon-like warriors dressed in leather outfits that partially reveal buttocks and breasts. Strong profanity (e.g., “f*ck,” “sh*t,” and “d*ck”) can be heard in the dialogue

My excitement for this game has barely been contained up to this point, I don’t think I can go on much longer without my hands forever being frozen in a devil horns position. The idea that the game might not match up to expectations doesn’t even occur to me. It’s shown to be too awesome to not be great.

Brutal Legend ESRB description is long, totally epic [Destructoid]